I Have Spent My Whole Life Trying To Be Normal

Written by Tea Jay.

I have spent my whole life trying to be normal. I just want to fit in, and blend with the crowd. Unfortunately for me, I’m out of the ordinary, because I am the 1 in 5 adults with mental illness in the United States. My life is all about management and staying stable. There isn’t an ounce of normalcy to my days.

 

I sometimes daydream about what it would be like to be without my mental illness and how much simpler it would be.

 

Some days that makes me upset. I don’t want to be anything special. I want to be able to go through my day without all the extra things I have to do, like meditating, deep breathing, taking medications, seeing a therapist. All these things are so tiring to do, and disrupt my day. They make my life harder. I sometimes daydream about what it would be like to be without my mental illness and how much simpler it would be. I think about how I wouldn’t have episodes or panic and anxiety attacks. I think I would be more successful if I didn’t have this illness holding me down.

 

It’s better to look at the positives of it then dwell over the fact that I’ll never be normal.

 

But when I look at it overall, I’m not too disappointed that I’m not normal. My mental illness has also made me creative, and helps me cope in dire situations. It makes me more compassionate towards other people. The truth is, I’ll never be able to change my mental illness. It will always be there. So it’s better to look at the positives of it then dwell over the fact that I’ll never be normal.

 

Maybe there’s no such thing as normal.

 

Maybe normal is just a word. Maybe there’s no such thing as normal. Maybe it’s just something we all strive for, and fail at. I guess I’m okay with that. Maybe being normal is overrated after all. My mental illness doesn’t define me, but it gave me gifts that make me extra special. Perhaps I should use those and strive to be extraordinary.

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Tea JaySchizophrenic.NYC – Staff Blogger
Tea Jay is an author based out of New England. She is the author of the children’s book “I’m Sick; A Mental Health Book From Adults To Kids.” She writes about living with mental illness including BPD, DID, Dissociative Amnesia, and PTSD. She is best known for her article/video “When You’re In The Gray Area Of Being Suicidal.” Taylor is also a stay at home mom to her 2 year old Jack.

Website: HelloTeaJay.wordpress.com
Facebook: Hello Tea Jay

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2017-12-26T23:45:13+00:00 December 29th, 2017|blog, Taylor Jones, writing|