Written by Tea Jay.
I was first diagnosed with ADHD; that diagnosis was bogus and it turns out I have Borderline Personality Disorder with Dissociative episodes. My original diagnosis came in the 7th grade when my teachers couldn’t stand how spacey I was in class. My parents took me to my pediatrician and they started me on medications right away. I hated taking the medications. They (obviously) didn’t work. But that wasn’t the reason I hated taking meds. I hated taking medications because it made me so far from normal I might as well have been a freak.
I thought my mental illness would eventually disappear and I’d be normal.
Up until my early twenties, when I received my proper diagnosis, I still hated taking medications. I would claim they didn’t work when I was taking them as needed instead of daily. I felt like a weirdo taking meds. I thought my mental illness would eventually disappear and I’d be normal. I didn’t want to take my medications. Medications meant that something was wrong with me, and I hadn’t coped with the fact that I was sick yet.
I take my medications daily, as prescribed, and I don’t abuse them, even on bad days.
Now, at 23, I have fully coped with my mental illness after years of struggling. I take my medications daily, as prescribed, and I don’t abuse them, even on bad days. So much has changed for me. But why the sudden change from being so against medications to all of a sudden taking them religiously?
I am a functioning human being when I’m on my meds.
I’ve learned that medications can help. Although, for some people, medication may not be an option, for me it’s the answer to my biggest problem. Therapy is a great resource for me, and I meditate and take walks. But nothing works quite as well as my medications do. I am a functioning human being when I’m on my meds. I’m not spending my whole day wondering if I’ll be manic or depressed. I’m not dreading the next episode. Instead, I’m living my life, with a few hiccups here and there.
I am helping myself get better, and there’s no shame in that.
And sure, someday I’d like to be off my medication. I would like to try some different options (such as medical marijuana). But for now, I’m fine being on my medications, and I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud to be a spoonie who needs her meds. I am helping myself get better, and there’s no shame in that.