Guest Post – by A New Florida Friend
Schizophrenic.NYC has impacted me in the best of ways ever since it was presented upon me in late July, when I met the founder at an airport in New York as I was getting ready to catch a flight back to my hometown in Florida. Before this all happened, I was getting bullied and picked on in my High school and by the people around me for having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and I was also taking in verbal abuse for having this disorder that was not even in my control. Along with this, I had been going through a great deal of depression and anxiety, which had made matters worse for me in terms of dealing with the situation that was presented upon me in my life.
“Stupid”, “Crazy”, “Worthless”, and “Mental” are only an example and handful of phrases that have been used on me, as well as statements such as “You can never do anything right”, “You are such a waste of everyone’s time”, “You’ll never be normal to us”
The statements and phrases continued to get worse and worse as the days went by. People went from calling me “stupid” and “mental” to then telling me things such as “Why don’t you just kill yourself? You would be doing everyone a favor if you did”, “Just kill yourself already”, “Nobody needs you alive”
At this point, I was ready to listen to them. My self confidence was so low, and I had little to no belief that things would get better from where they were already. I felt so worthless and so empty inside, and I couldn’t find a reason to carry on. I remember being afraid to go to school, in fear of having to listen to them again. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, and I didn’t want to bother anyone by being alive with a disorder that I couldn’t control if that makes any sense.. They made me feel so meaningless for having the disorder and condition that I had, and they also made it seem like anyone who had a mental disorder or mental illness was not considered a normal human being and should not be treated normally like the rest.
I was simply ready to take my life, and throw it away.. I wanted to end my life because of them, and because of how they made me feel for having my disorder. I couldn’t stand it anymore.. I felt like I was all alone and surrounded by darkness with no way to escape into the light.. I couldn’t find a reason to live..
But then, Schizophrenic.NYC was presented upon me by a very nice woman that I had met in an airport in New York. She had overheard a conversation I was having with my father about all of this, and it was one of the very first times I could build up the courage to tell someone about how I felt at the time. This woman told me not to give in and never to be ashamed of my disorder. She told me never to give up and that things did get better and brighter in life. She handed me her card that read “Schizophrenic.NYC” on the front of it, and she explained how and what Schizophrenic.NYC was. The words that this person(Michelle) told me gave me hope. It gave me this spark of light and even if it may seem small, her words meant everything to me, and because of what this woman told me, I am still here, alive, and fighting today.
If it wasn’t for what she had told me and for Schizophrenic.NYC, I would have taken my life that same day when I arrived back to my home town. Schizophrenic.NYC has shown me that it is alright to have a disorder and that everyone should be treated fairly and equally, regardless of anything.
I no longer feel alone in my disorder, and I no longer feel the need to feel ashamed of the disorder I have. Now, I wear my disorder proudly and will continue to fight and stay strong. Schizophrenic.NYC is truly a great organization, and I honestly will never be able to thank that person enough for introducing me to it and for her kind words.