Written by Taylor Nicole.
There has to be more than life than this. There has to be more to life than this crippling anxiety and this deep, dark depression. There has to be more to life than my mental illness.
Yet it seems like my mental illness always consumes me.
Yet it seems like my mental illness always consumes me. It is inescapable. It has me in its grips. I am not able to see tomorrow as clearly as I once was able to. In fact my whole future is pretty lost in my eyes. I’m not sure how I’ll make it through most days. My future is bleak. I can’t project myself into better days because I don’t believe I will live to see them with the way my mental illness works. I’m surrounded by suicidal thoughts and ideations. I think lowly of myself and can’t seem to get a grip on reality, who I really am, or tomorrow.
I want happiness and adventures, not to be hiding away in my room.
But I hear stories of greatness, and I want that to be my life. I want happiness and adventures, not to be hiding away in my room. I want to soar and to explore. I know I’m more than this. I know I’m capable of doing great things. I know if I really applied myself…no, if I really believed in myself that I could be an unstoppable force. I could be more than just a member of society. I know if I could just lose my mental illness that I could live a life like the ones I see on Instagram and Facebook that seem fabulous and worry free.
I can still be a good person, even if I have a mental illness.
Maybe life is just one big balance beam. Maybe I won’t always be happy but I can at least try to be. I can push through and find some hope. Even if it’s not every day, I can still lead a great life. I can still be a good person, even if I have a mental illness. I can’t get rid of my illness, but I can live with it and push myself to be better. My mental illness doesn’t have to define me and keep me locked down. I could really set myself free. I just need to believe in myself.
I’ve been happy before and I can be happy again.
It’s so hard to break out of the suicidal thoughts, the anxiety, and the depression. It feels like it may never end. But I know, looking at my past, that there is true happiness out there. I’ve been happy before and I can be happy again. I can turn my life around when I’m ready. I can make the most of my life.
There just has to be more to life than mental illness….there just has to be more!